Dreams and Destinations

I’m pretty much in a mode of acceptance at this particular time; this is what my life is, and I need to make the most of it, instead of harboring pipedreams. Now don't get me wrong - there is nothing wrong with dreaming! However, when those dreams interfere with how I progress in day-to-day life, it becomes a liability.

I still can become a writer, lose weight and get fit, get involved in the Hibernian Youth Division, Knights Special Friends, and become a bagpiper. If it is either impossible to achieve (religious brotherhood/priesthood) – or something I simply am not prepared to work towards, is dangerous for me, or would cause an inordinate amount of upheaval in my life and the people around me (bodybuilder or marathoner, the diaconate), then I simply must let it go.

Another goal I have is of course continuing my journey as a candidate/novitiate to the Secular Franciscan Order. Today I had the privilege of witnessing and participating in a Mass of Profession for Kathleen, a fellow candidate to the Order. The Mass was celebrated by Father Matthias Wesnofske OFM Cap, the spiritual assistant to the Seculars in our Region. It was a true family celebration; members of our Fraternity led the procession, brought up the gifts, proclaimed the readings, and performed the beautiful music. Kathleen was vested in the Tau Cross, the habit of the Secular Franciscan Order, and made her promise to live the Gospel life of Jesus in the footsteps of our seraphic father, St. Francis of Assisi. AMEN!

It made me excited and anxious for my own profession, hopefully next year. If I've learned nothing on my journey, however, is that I've got to walk the path instead of simply dream of the destination.

Peace and All Good to Kathleen G. SFO!!!

Saturday in the Seventh Week of Easter
Daily Mass Readings
Acts 28:16-20,30-31
Psalm 11:4-5,7
John 21:20-25

First Communion

My son Patrick will be making his First Holy Communion this Saturday. Amidst all the preparation for the party, the clothes he's wearing, what we'll be eating, etc., it has been easy to forget what all the celebrating is about. Pat will be receiving the Body of Christ for the very first time, that he's seen everyone do at Mass time and again, wondering when it was going to be his turn.

I'm reminded of our older son James' First Communion. He dearly loved his teachers and Sister Margaret, the Director of Religious Education at our parish. He'd made his Communion in a Mass on his own - at the time he was in special needs religious education due to his PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder for the uninitiated), and did not receive with the mainstream class. We worried that he would have some kind of problem, either with the host in his mouth or something that was going on during the Mass. Things like that had happened before.

He seemed to do wonderfully. He sat attentively during the Mass, responded to the prayers, knew when to sit, stand and kneel. He got up dutifully to receive the Body of Christ for the first time without any prompting. However, when he returned to the pew we noticed tears streaming down his cheeks; James was openly crying. Very worried, Lori held him and asked what was wrong. James said, "Don't worry, Mommy. I'm OK, it's a GOOD cry. I'm just so happy!"

I was, and still am in awe of James...maybe even a little envious of him! He GETS it. A thousand-page book on Catholic theology could not convey the meaning of the Eucharist any clearer. My son became (and remains) my CCD teacher that day.

Pat is in the same vein, anxious to join the congregation in the sacred meal he has only been an observer of until now. He yearns to finally come to the Feast of Heaven and Earth at the Table of Plenty. May I and all of us keep that sense of awe that children have when we approach Jesus!

Peace,
Thomas

Daily Mass Readings
Acts 17:15,22-18:1
Psalm 148:1,2,11-14
John 16:12-15

Cuts right to the heart of it.

Michael Sean Winters, excellent blogger from America Magazine, cuts to the chase in Church sex abuse scandals:

It is not hard to see how some hierarchs viewed their sinning priests as errant sons, as prodigals, and were all too quick to believe their promises of amendment. It is also true – and let’s be perfectly clear on this – a bishop does owe even a pedophile the promise of God’s mercy. He does not owe him another assignment working around children. This was the mistake and, yes, it was callous to make such a mistake when the lives of children were at stake. As for "unrepentant"? I do not think that adjective characterizes any American bishop. Certainly, I cannot think of a comment by any of them that would count of evidence of such an attitude but given some of the things they say about the President, perhaps I missed it. Most American bishops, I believe, have adopted the policy of meeting with the victims, apologizing for the crimes against them repeatedly, and of leading the flock in prayer and reflection and penance for those crimes.

Read the rest of the article here

Indeed, that was the mistake, and it's a mistake most of the complicit bishops seem to have a tragic blind spot about - allowing trust in mercy to trump caution and justice and refusing to admit that.

Please continue to heal our Church. Our Lady of Sorrows pray for us.

Peace,
Thomas

Daily Mass Readings
Acts 12:24-13:5a
Psalm 67:2,3,5-8
John 12:44-50

Vocations

I think I'm finally getting a handle on this Husband/Father thing.

It comes before everything. I know I've written that numerous times before, but I didn't quite understand it until recently.

It comes before work - although work is something that makes up the whole 'responsible man' idea, which is of course a big part of being a Husband and Father.

It comes before any aspirations I have to service in the Church in any official capacity. I'd been coveting the idea of become an ordained deacon for the Church. Being a deacon is to personify Jesus Christ the Servant. It requires an emptying of oneself in service, but even the Church specifies that both family and work come before any clerical responsibilities. My wife and my children have lost a lot of my time due to the active phase of my alcoholism, and I am not nearly caught up to the point of having the time to become an ordained servant of the Church.

It comes before my hobbies and my comforts. I've enjoyed my reading, writing, facebooking, and all-around relaxing - to the detriment of quality time spent with my family, and things I ought to be doing in and around my home. Sooner than I think, my boys are going to stop wishing to spend so much time with me. I have a window of time, influence and future memories that will be closed before I know it. I need to take advantage of that while it is still possible.

I have not nearly explored the richness of what it truly means to be Husband and Father. I have a greater idea of what I stand to miss out on if I don't plumb these depths now. It's time to be a Man. I've been treating my life as a prelude to something greater...and it is, in respect to eternity. But if I forget the journey in favor of waiting around for the destination, I've missed the entire point of living a Life. I can't let that happen.

St. Joseph, Patron of Husbands and Fathers, pray for us.

Peace,
Thomas

Third Saturday of Easter
Daily Mass Readings
Acts 9:31-42
Psalm 116:12-17
John 6:60-69

A little venting...

The Angels I've been wrestling have been particularly strong. I've been disheartened recently about the continuing and horrific revelations about abuse and subsequent cover-ups in my beloved Church. It's getting nasty now in the media, with poorly researched articles appearing in the New York Times and elsewhere. A good number of journalists have been heavy-handed against the Church, have been gleefully embellishing stories and making tenuous connections with certain members of the hierarchy, up to and including the Holy Father. It makes me angry.

I'm also angry that there ARE such stories to embellish. This scandal was not invented by liberal journalists. Scores of children, worldwide, were abused. Their predators were shifted around and then thrown to the wolves in the name, ironically, of protecting the institution from scandal. We, the faithful, ARE SCANDALIZED, more than we possibly could have been if it had just been the abuse (it feels horrible to write that, 'just the abuse').

The hierarchy releases statements on the order of "horrible mistakes were made". Let's face it; it is easy to condemn the purposeful abuse of a child by anyone, especially by someone who is supposed to take their welfare to heart. A grudging admission of a mistake in the passive voice (oops, so sorry)is not sufficient. When the faithful celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we admit our sins before God to receive absolution. However, if we don't do our penance - make the wrong we did right - it's an exercise in futility.

Should the faithful expect any less of the shepherds of our Church?

It is not only the direct victims of the abusers who have suffered. It is the millions of Catholics who have had their faith shaken by the callousness of those who would shepherd us, who put their own standing ahead of the welfare of the young. It is the hundreds of thousands of good and holy clergy and religious, who must endure ridicule and suspicion because of the acts of their brothers, whose own moral authority and motivations are brought into question simply by association. It is the Church itself - the TRUE church, the living, breathing Body of Christ - that now must defend itself from attacks both within and without.

Lord God grant me faith. Chase my discouragement and shame. Guide and strengthen your Body of Christ; We are frightened. We have suffered. And we are angry.


Saturday in the Octave of Easter
Daily Mass Readings
Acts 4:13-21
Psalm 118:1,14-21
Mark 16:9-15

Entering Holy Week in the midst of scandal

My father is a former seminarian from Cathedral in Brooklyn who keeps in regular contact with the men who were in his classes. They refer to each other as "The Brothers" discussing all manner of subjects, including the environment, politics and of course, religious matters, via email. The majority of this brotherhood either never made it to ordination (like my dad), or subsequently left the priesthood afterwards.

One of the men who left is a gentleman named Tony Equale. He left the priesthood after a number of years and subsequently married. Since the death of his wife several years ago he's written a book An Unknown God: Essays in Pursuit of the Sacred.

I read the first of these essays, which he tells his story and levels criticism at the Roman Catholic Church. I'd not had a chance to finish the book, as I borrowed it from Dad, and he wanted to critique it for Tony. I do look forward to continuing it, though.

Dad forwarded me part of an email correspondence from Tony (with his permission)that reminded me a good deal of his book's first essay. I don't know how the correspondence started; perhaps as a result of the recent revelations about the sex abuse scandals in Europe and the Holy Father's purported role in it. Now I know Mr. Equale's arguments go much deeper than that, down to the core of the nature of God and Church, and he believes that the Church is fundamentally flawed, that one must leave, or be complicit with her flaws. However, since the widening abuse scandals are weighing heavily on MY mind this Holy Week, I responded to my father thusly, and asked him to forward the response to Mr. Equale:

Maybe I am too comfortably entrenched in the Catholic faith as I understand it. While I understand and agree with where Tony is coming from to a certain extent, I have to comment on where he states the unequivocal reason people won't leave the Roman Catholic Church is because they think of its clergy and its structure as "God". I can only speak authoritatively on my own experience. Dad, you know I have struggled long and hard about some of the implications of dogma and doctrine. I know you have as well.

So why do I stay? More importantly, why do I actively participate in the Church's ministries when I've had such doubts?

Because - outside of the laughter of my children and the love of my wife - it is primarily within the Church's Sacraments, sacramentals, and various ministries I've participated in that I have felt the presence of God. I don't experience this all the time, and the power of the experiences vary. I can't explain it much past that. It's a comfort, a confidence and a peace. I'm not arrogant enough to call these experiences "mystical" in the classic sense. I am conscious of God's presence during said experiences. I've not experienced them anywhere else.

Don't get me wrong...there are serious, serious problems in the Roman Catholic Church. The abuse scandals and their cover-ups are now worldwide. My GODSON was baptized by an abuser. However, do I for one second believe that JT's baptism was not valid? It was the Church...the body of believers...that made it happen, not a scoundrel of a priest.

The Church, as I understand it, is the Body of Christ. Like Christ, the Church is human AND it is of God. Christ never promised a perfect Church. He only promised that the gates of Hell would not prevail against it. They haven't.

Tony and I differ on one fundamental issue. What he has apparently labeled as a fundamental flaw in the Church...the clerical office...is one of the reasons I remain. I believe in the OFFICE of the priesthood as the Church has defined it. That the priest is a vessel for the grace of God DURING THE PROPER SACRAMENTAL MOMENTS. If the consecration of the Host into the Real Presence of Christ, or the absolution in the Confessional depended on the impeccability of the priest, there would be no Church, there would be no Sacraments. I am comforted knowing a lousy sermon or a crappy priest does not change the presence of the mystical Body and Blood, nor does it nullify absolution.

Tony seems to believe that the best way to enact the necessary changes in the institutional church, one must leave. I don't agree. I believe true change will come from within...Voice of the Faithful, Call to Action, Pax Christi, and the leaders trained through programs like PFI [my diocese's pastoral formation institute for lay leadership]. Sr. Lauren said something to us during our PFI orientation, "YOU are the future of the leadership of this Church. Don't forget that."

I haven't. Perhaps I'm overly optimistic. I love my Church. End of story.

I do enter Holy Week with a heavy heart because of the scandals. Sometimes it seems to justify Mr. Equale's position on the institutional Church all the more (he is a gifted and intelligent writer; his essay made me think). However, I do have Hope. There is an empty tomb to behold in less than a week's time!

Pax et Bonum,
Thomas


PS - You can purchase Mr. Equale's book An Unknown God, Essays in Pursuit of the Sacred here:

http://www.ied.info/books/unknown-god

Monday of Holy Week
Daily Mass Readings
Isaiah 42:1-7
Psalm 27:1-3,13-14
John 12:1-11

The Annunciation - Faith and Discipleship

In today's Gospel, a young Jewish girl named Mary is being told by a stranger that she is "highly favored", that the Lord is with her, and through the power of God, she will become Theotokos - literally the "Bearer of God". Naturally, Mary wonders who the heck this guy is and what this all means, "what sort of greeting might this be"? Our messenger lays it all on the line for her; the spirit of God would overshadow her, and as a result she would bear the Son of the Most High, Emmanuel - "God With Us".

How Mary, likely frightened out of her wits, responds is nothing short of astounding - "Let it be done to me according to your word." Mary was well aware of the stigma that surrounded an unmarried, pregnant girl in first century Palestine; a lot less dainty than things are these days! She knew her betrothed Joseph only had to say the word and she could be brought up on adultery charges and possibly stoned to death! She said "Yes", as literally the first Christian.

ONLY through Mary's assent could Emmanuel - God with us - take place.

The Feast of the Annunciation celebrates the "Yes" of Mary, her perfect discipleship, her assent to God's plan. It also demonstrates a disciple's gift of free will - Mary, like all of us, had the ability to refuse. May we all emulate Mary's example of faith and discipleship as we prepare to celebrate our Holy Week!

Pax et Bonum,
Thomas

Solemnity of the Annunciation of the Lord
Daily Mass Readings
Isaiah 7:10-14, 8:10
Psalm 40:7-11
Hebrews 10:4-10
Luke 1:26-38