Monday, August 30, 2010

Humility...and coming clean

The Mass readings yesterday emphasized humility. The Book of Sirach, Chapter 3 proclaims "What is too sublime for you seek not, into things beyond your strength, search not." Yesterday's Gospel exhorts us to seek the lowest place when invited (Luke 14).

I guess I ought to come clean - I can't say that I'm currently striving to be humble, at least in light of these readings. To be truthful, things do go a bit deeper than that.

I look for the sublime, the unknown to be made known. I've been attracted to the face of the Divine since I was a toddler. Recently this curiosity has extended beyond what is known to me through the lens of Catholic teaching. To be sure, I've gained a minimal understanding of God within the context of the Church over the years. This is becoming less and less...acceptable to me over the years, I guess one would say. It simply doesn't feel to be "enough". There's a huge world out there, billions of people with thousands of different ideas of what constitutes Deity. Are the majority of the people in the world, AKA non-Christians, wrong? If so, what does an all-loving God do with these deluded folks? Or maybe, do they have insights into the Divine that I simply haven't even considered?

Now, I suspect at least a couple of my relatively few readers will think this pluralistic view smacks of "the dictatorship of relativism" the future Pope Benedict XVI spoke of before the last conclave. Or perhaps that I've made this "all about me" and my feelings about God. Maybe I am just getting cold feet as I get closer to my profession. I suppose any/all that could be true. However, I can say that this specific struggle has been with me for quite some time. I've done a good deal of praying about it over the months, and really ought to sit down with my spiritual director for an overdue heart-to-heart.

This blog IS supposed to be about the angels I wrestle with, the potential stumbling blocks as I find my way along whatever this is that constitutes my spiritual path. Wanting to learn in depth about how other cultures and religions view and pay homage to Deity certainly qualifies. I will not de-emphasize or attempt to minimize this longing any further. St. Augustine tells us "Our hearts are restless until they rest in You." My heart is restless, and I won't pretend it isn't (at least not anymore).

I hope you'll continue to read in light of this little bloggish twist. Any prayers you'd like to throw my way would be appreciated.


Daily Mass Readings
1 Corinthians 2:1-5
Psalm 119:97-102
Luke 4:16-30

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