Vocations

I think I'm finally getting a handle on this Husband/Father thing.

It comes before everything. I know I've written that numerous times before, but I didn't quite understand it until recently.

It comes before work - although work is something that makes up the whole 'responsible man' idea, which is of course a big part of being a Husband and Father.

It comes before any aspirations I have to service in the Church in any official capacity. I'd been coveting the idea of become an ordained deacon for the Church. Being a deacon is to personify Jesus Christ the Servant. It requires an emptying of oneself in service, but even the Church specifies that both family and work come before any clerical responsibilities. My wife and my children have lost a lot of my time due to the active phase of my alcoholism, and I am not nearly caught up to the point of having the time to become an ordained servant of the Church.

It comes before my hobbies and my comforts. I've enjoyed my reading, writing, facebooking, and all-around relaxing - to the detriment of quality time spent with my family, and things I ought to be doing in and around my home. Sooner than I think, my boys are going to stop wishing to spend so much time with me. I have a window of time, influence and future memories that will be closed before I know it. I need to take advantage of that while it is still possible.

I have not nearly explored the richness of what it truly means to be Husband and Father. I have a greater idea of what I stand to miss out on if I don't plumb these depths now. It's time to be a Man. I've been treating my life as a prelude to something greater...and it is, in respect to eternity. But if I forget the journey in favor of waiting around for the destination, I've missed the entire point of living a Life. I can't let that happen.

St. Joseph, Patron of Husbands and Fathers, pray for us.

Peace,
Thomas

Third Saturday of Easter
Daily Mass Readings
Acts 9:31-42
Psalm 116:12-17
John 6:60-69

A little venting...

The Angels I've been wrestling have been particularly strong. I've been disheartened recently about the continuing and horrific revelations about abuse and subsequent cover-ups in my beloved Church. It's getting nasty now in the media, with poorly researched articles appearing in the New York Times and elsewhere. A good number of journalists have been heavy-handed against the Church, have been gleefully embellishing stories and making tenuous connections with certain members of the hierarchy, up to and including the Holy Father. It makes me angry.

I'm also angry that there ARE such stories to embellish. This scandal was not invented by liberal journalists. Scores of children, worldwide, were abused. Their predators were shifted around and then thrown to the wolves in the name, ironically, of protecting the institution from scandal. We, the faithful, ARE SCANDALIZED, more than we possibly could have been if it had just been the abuse (it feels horrible to write that, 'just the abuse').

The hierarchy releases statements on the order of "horrible mistakes were made". Let's face it; it is easy to condemn the purposeful abuse of a child by anyone, especially by someone who is supposed to take their welfare to heart. A grudging admission of a mistake in the passive voice (oops, so sorry)is not sufficient. When the faithful celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we admit our sins before God to receive absolution. However, if we don't do our penance - make the wrong we did right - it's an exercise in futility.

Should the faithful expect any less of the shepherds of our Church?

It is not only the direct victims of the abusers who have suffered. It is the millions of Catholics who have had their faith shaken by the callousness of those who would shepherd us, who put their own standing ahead of the welfare of the young. It is the hundreds of thousands of good and holy clergy and religious, who must endure ridicule and suspicion because of the acts of their brothers, whose own moral authority and motivations are brought into question simply by association. It is the Church itself - the TRUE church, the living, breathing Body of Christ - that now must defend itself from attacks both within and without.

Lord God grant me faith. Chase my discouragement and shame. Guide and strengthen your Body of Christ; We are frightened. We have suffered. And we are angry.


Saturday in the Octave of Easter
Daily Mass Readings
Acts 4:13-21
Psalm 118:1,14-21
Mark 16:9-15

Entering Holy Week in the midst of scandal

My father is a former seminarian from Cathedral in Brooklyn who keeps in regular contact with the men who were in his classes. They refer to each other as "The Brothers" discussing all manner of subjects, including the environment, politics and of course, religious matters, via email. The majority of this brotherhood either never made it to ordination (like my dad), or subsequently left the priesthood afterwards.

One of the men who left is a gentleman named Tony Equale. He left the priesthood after a number of years and subsequently married. Since the death of his wife several years ago he's written a book An Unknown God: Essays in Pursuit of the Sacred.

I read the first of these essays, which he tells his story and levels criticism at the Roman Catholic Church. I'd not had a chance to finish the book, as I borrowed it from Dad, and he wanted to critique it for Tony. I do look forward to continuing it, though.

Dad forwarded me part of an email correspondence from Tony (with his permission)that reminded me a good deal of his book's first essay. I don't know how the correspondence started; perhaps as a result of the recent revelations about the sex abuse scandals in Europe and the Holy Father's purported role in it. Now I know Mr. Equale's arguments go much deeper than that, down to the core of the nature of God and Church, and he believes that the Church is fundamentally flawed, that one must leave, or be complicit with her flaws. However, since the widening abuse scandals are weighing heavily on MY mind this Holy Week, I responded to my father thusly, and asked him to forward the response to Mr. Equale:

Maybe I am too comfortably entrenched in the Catholic faith as I understand it. While I understand and agree with where Tony is coming from to a certain extent, I have to comment on where he states the unequivocal reason people won't leave the Roman Catholic Church is because they think of its clergy and its structure as "God". I can only speak authoritatively on my own experience. Dad, you know I have struggled long and hard about some of the implications of dogma and doctrine. I know you have as well.

So why do I stay? More importantly, why do I actively participate in the Church's ministries when I've had such doubts?

Because - outside of the laughter of my children and the love of my wife - it is primarily within the Church's Sacraments, sacramentals, and various ministries I've participated in that I have felt the presence of God. I don't experience this all the time, and the power of the experiences vary. I can't explain it much past that. It's a comfort, a confidence and a peace. I'm not arrogant enough to call these experiences "mystical" in the classic sense. I am conscious of God's presence during said experiences. I've not experienced them anywhere else.

Don't get me wrong...there are serious, serious problems in the Roman Catholic Church. The abuse scandals and their cover-ups are now worldwide. My GODSON was baptized by an abuser. However, do I for one second believe that JT's baptism was not valid? It was the Church...the body of believers...that made it happen, not a scoundrel of a priest.

The Church, as I understand it, is the Body of Christ. Like Christ, the Church is human AND it is of God. Christ never promised a perfect Church. He only promised that the gates of Hell would not prevail against it. They haven't.

Tony and I differ on one fundamental issue. What he has apparently labeled as a fundamental flaw in the Church...the clerical office...is one of the reasons I remain. I believe in the OFFICE of the priesthood as the Church has defined it. That the priest is a vessel for the grace of God DURING THE PROPER SACRAMENTAL MOMENTS. If the consecration of the Host into the Real Presence of Christ, or the absolution in the Confessional depended on the impeccability of the priest, there would be no Church, there would be no Sacraments. I am comforted knowing a lousy sermon or a crappy priest does not change the presence of the mystical Body and Blood, nor does it nullify absolution.

Tony seems to believe that the best way to enact the necessary changes in the institutional church, one must leave. I don't agree. I believe true change will come from within...Voice of the Faithful, Call to Action, Pax Christi, and the leaders trained through programs like PFI [my diocese's pastoral formation institute for lay leadership]. Sr. Lauren said something to us during our PFI orientation, "YOU are the future of the leadership of this Church. Don't forget that."

I haven't. Perhaps I'm overly optimistic. I love my Church. End of story.

I do enter Holy Week with a heavy heart because of the scandals. Sometimes it seems to justify Mr. Equale's position on the institutional Church all the more (he is a gifted and intelligent writer; his essay made me think). However, I do have Hope. There is an empty tomb to behold in less than a week's time!

Pax et Bonum,
Thomas


PS - You can purchase Mr. Equale's book An Unknown God, Essays in Pursuit of the Sacred here:

http://www.ied.info/books/unknown-god

Monday of Holy Week
Daily Mass Readings
Isaiah 42:1-7
Psalm 27:1-3,13-14
John 12:1-11

The Annunciation - Faith and Discipleship

In today's Gospel, a young Jewish girl named Mary is being told by a stranger that she is "highly favored", that the Lord is with her, and through the power of God, she will become Theotokos - literally the "Bearer of God". Naturally, Mary wonders who the heck this guy is and what this all means, "what sort of greeting might this be"? Our messenger lays it all on the line for her; the spirit of God would overshadow her, and as a result she would bear the Son of the Most High, Emmanuel - "God With Us".

How Mary, likely frightened out of her wits, responds is nothing short of astounding - "Let it be done to me according to your word." Mary was well aware of the stigma that surrounded an unmarried, pregnant girl in first century Palestine; a lot less dainty than things are these days! She knew her betrothed Joseph only had to say the word and she could be brought up on adultery charges and possibly stoned to death! She said "Yes", as literally the first Christian.

ONLY through Mary's assent could Emmanuel - God with us - take place.

The Feast of the Annunciation celebrates the "Yes" of Mary, her perfect discipleship, her assent to God's plan. It also demonstrates a disciple's gift of free will - Mary, like all of us, had the ability to refuse. May we all emulate Mary's example of faith and discipleship as we prepare to celebrate our Holy Week!

Pax et Bonum,
Thomas

Solemnity of the Annunciation of the Lord
Daily Mass Readings
Isaiah 7:10-14, 8:10
Psalm 40:7-11
Hebrews 10:4-10
Luke 1:26-38

Some Jesuit thoughts on Facebook

Jake Martin SJ from America Magazine shares some interesting thoughts on the Facebook phenomena.

http://www.americamagazine.org/content/culture.cfm?cultureid=28

My mother recently told me that when I was in my teens and early 20s she was concerned that I would be lured into joining a religious cult. "You are highly suggestible" she remarked, as she turned up the volume on the television to hear about Oprah's latest spiritual breakthrough. "You are a follower, not a leader." Thanks, Mom!

But she had a point. Ultimately I joined the Jesuits, which some might consider a cult of sorts. In truth, I have always been one to jump on a bandwagon. I wore parachute pants in the 1980s, flannel in the 1990s and was unemployed in the 2000s. So when everyone around me seemed to be Facebook-ing, it made perfect sense for me to do the same.

Facebook is a cyber phenomenon that began as a networking tool for college students. It was opened up to the general public approximately two years ago, and since then its popularity has skyrocketed. (I should preface my Facebook story by saying that I joined its predecessor, MySpace, at the same time, not knowing the difference between the two.) Fairly ignorant of the advances made in cyberspace over the past couple of years, I had contented myself with reading blogs and arguing with perfect strangers on tennis message boards. As it turned out, MySpace is a gigantic moment of spiritual desolation, as St. Ignatius Loyola might say it screams seedy underbelly. After about 15 minutes and seven "friend" requests all beginning with the word, "Lonely?" I decided that MySpace might not, in fact, be the space for me.

Facebook, by contrast, is a land of rarefied air, all cool whites and airy blues. Simple fonts, without gaudy serifs, do not spoil its intentional simplicity. It is a gorgeous model of technological beauty. If it were a country, the trains would always run on time.

There is a lot to love about Facebook. It has proven to be a wonderful way to catch up with old friends from high school and college. It is also an easy way to keep up with those people in your life you just do not have the time to call or e-mail regularly. You can post quick messages on your friend's "wall" a sort of cyber bulletin board, and post pictures of yourself and your friends that can subsequently be organized into albums. You can also use your various pictures to change your profile picture, the image that serves to project the message you want to send out to the universe, a sort of a cyber tattoo, if you will. This is your opportunity to show the world who you are, your existential moment it is right there for everyone to see.

So what is the problem with Facebook? All of the above. Not to be brutal, but there is a good reason I am not in touch with friends from high school: I am not the same person I was then, which is a good thing for all the people in my life now. I do not want to relive my high school angst that is why God invented the sacrament of confession, so I can kneel in a dark closet-like space and spill out the secrets of my past, leave them there, and never, ever, deal with them again.

Yet every time I log on to Facebook there is someone like Dmitri Perivoliotis "friending" me (why do all new cultural phenomena have to turn nouns into verbs?) and sending me notes like, "Remember how Mike Rogers would launch spitballs at you during Mr. Fowler's class?" Thanks, Dmitri, for reminding me how I had to sit through the whole of ninth-period algebra with spitballs resting atop my coarse mop of curls, tears rolling down my acne-laden cheeks. Mr. Fowler, who had his own problems, what with being 112 years old, took no notice of my misery, nor of the fact that there were other students in the classroom.

The other big problem with Facebook is that it's boring. Anyone with whom I would communicate by e-mail or phone, I would communicate with by e-mail or phone. And any person I would not communicate with by e-mail or phone-well, I would not communicate with them at all.

So Facebook has, for all intents and purposes, become a way for me to acquire as many "friends" as possible with whom I will never have to communicate again. The creators must have realized that the acquisition of friends was about the only thing that was going to keep people coming back. For the most part, there really is not much to do once you have posted all of your likes, dislikes and your relationship status, and once you've tried the special applications that have about as much chance of keeping your interest as 99 percent of the programming aired on EWTN. The layout is designed so that you are continually reminded of the numerical count of your friends. This can only lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially since it is so easy to keep track of how many "friends" your "friends" have. This sort of thing brings out the competitor in me. I want to win and will do whatever it takes to have more "friends" than anyone else, just so long as I don't ever have to be in contact with them.

Ultimately, Facebook is just another way of giving people the illusion that they are participating in the world without having to leave the isolated confines of their cubicle, office or bedroom. Promoted as a networking tool, it serves primarily as a sort of existential device that allows people to categorize their life experience and interests while simultaneously shutting them off from the very life they are trying to present to the world.

While I remember being on the receiving end of those spitballs that Fr. Martin mentioned on occasion, and therefore not really needing to be in contact with the majority of of high school experience, I find Facebook to useful. As Fr. Martin points out, it has the potential to be misused and a bit of a distraction. I don't know how many groups I've joined that I've never visited (i.e. - 'I can't find my glasses...oh wait, they're on my face'). It's had the effect of wasting a lot of my time, in spite of the relationships I was able to rekindle. And admittedly, I've discovered a good percentage of these "relationships" are in truth, phantoms. It's interesting to see how the lives of people from my past have turned out.

Then again, there's a reason most of these folks have remained in my past. Something for me to think about.

Peace,
Thomas

Daily Mass Readings
Numbers 21:4-9
Psalm 102:2-3,16-18,19-21
John 8:21-30

Litany of Humility

This is so appropriate in this penetential season; praying to Jesus for the good of others rather than our own. Reminds me a good deal of the Prayer of St. Francis.

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.


From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.


That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Jesus knows we can't desire these things in and of ourselves. Asking for God's grace to desire it is another matter. God is good!

Peace,
Thomas

Daily Mass Readings
Daniel 13:1-9
Psalm 23:1-6
John 18:12-20

Some favorite quotes of mine

I've been going through some old journals, books, and the like. I decided to put together a collection of quotes that have meant something to me over the years. I hope you can distill some wisdom, laughter, or whatever out of them, as I did and continue to do.

No particular order, except how they came to me:

"Be not afraid!"
- Pope John Paul II

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
- Reinhold Niebuhr

"A culture is made...or destroyed...by its articulate voices."
- Ayn Rand

"Some people without brains seem to do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"
- Scarecrow, The Wizard of Oz

"Knowledge without Mileage is bullsh*t to me."
- Henry Rollins

"A person's a person, no matter how small"
- Horton the Elephant

A man who can laugh, if only at himself, is never truly miserable."
- H.L. Mencken

"Praise and bless the Lord and give thanks, and serve Him with all humilty!"
- Saint Francis of Assisi

"Some things it just don't pay to be curious about."
- Jud Crandall, Pet Sematary

"Our hearts are restless until they rest in You."
- Saint Augustine of Hippo

"Nothing beats two guitars, drums, and a bass."
- Lou Reed

"In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher."
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

"I like you just the way you are."
- Mister Rogers

"There are more tears shed over answered prayers than over unanswered prayers."
- Saint Teresa of Avila

"We are all meant to be mothers of God, for God is always needing to be born."
- Meister Eckhart

"If I feel comfortable with what I'm doing, something's wrong."
- David Bowie

"Imagine what is would be like to look in the mirror each day and say - as God taught us - 'That's good!'"
- Sister Joan Chittister OSB

"I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least."
- Walt Whitman

"Better to suffer the pain of excommunication than to act against one's own conscience."
- Saint Thomas Aquinas

"I've never had a humble opinion; if you have an opinion, why be humble about it?"
- Joan Baez

"Bye now, and God Love You!"
- Archbishop Fulton J Sheen...and today, ME as well!

Daily Mass Readings
Jeremeiah 17:5-10
Psalm 1:1-4,6
Luke 16:19-31